Starting at the begining

This week has been a bad relationship week! I am not sure whether there is some cosmic explanation or if its just coincidence.

So I decided to make the first official entry about what do once you have made the decision to leave. Or find yourself left.

The most obvious first step is to figure out where everyone will live. If he leaves then remain in the home as long as you can. If you leave to stay with a friend, make sure its a close friend and not someone who is going to kick you out.

Once you all have a safe and secure place to stay, the next thing is to try figure out what you both want. Is it a permanent split? Or a seperation?

If its a permanent split then try get a lawyer or legal advise as soon as possible so that the process can start.

If you are communicating rationally then try work custody out between the 2 of you. If the kids are younger then 3 then over night stays is not recommended but it depends totally on your situation. I would start with the basic - every second weekend and if you live close to each other, one night a week. This is the less disruptive route.

Again if you are talking to each other and able to reason with each other then try discuss maintenance. Ideally you want a 50/50 split of all costs. This includes rent, water and lights, cleaning products etc for the kids. Money tends to become a huge issue in divorces and splits and its rare that an agreement can be reached amicable. But try!

Obviously if you are not able to effectively communicate then use your lawyer to do all of this as soon as possible.

Those are the main practicalities that need to be worked out.

Once you have covered them then focus on you and your kids.

Get the both of you into councelling. Play therapy has amazing results for kids from broken homes and it helps you all learn how to cope with the new situations.

You seeing a psychologist is also not a bad thing. It doesnt have to be long term. Just to help you deal with the initial roller coaster of emotions.

Lastly find a friend or two. GOOD friends who will be there when you freak out and cant stop crying. Who will take you out and insist on watching your kids so you can bath. And once you have them - use them. Lean on them. Let them be the friends they need to be.

Those early days are tough. There is so much to do and its an emotionally raw time for everyone involved. But you need to remain focused and do what needs to be done!

Welcome

I have been playing with this idea for a while now but decided to just DO IT now!

There doesnt seem to be easily available single parent networks in South Africa so my aim is to create one!

A place where single parents can share the challenges, heartaches, triumphs and joys of single parenting.

My vision is to create a network of single parents who can offer online and real support to each other!

I have never attempted anything like this before so its all new territory for me but I love a challenge!!

So here goes!